


to the ones who loved and the ones who lost

by adumpsterfire



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, dont read if you dont want that, happy with a sad ending, hope this is an okay contribution, i guess?, might do another chapter, we'll see what the reception is for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 11:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21897697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adumpsterfire/pseuds/adumpsterfire
Summary: “Oh the horror, I surely to god cannot stand the thought of being alone on the second to last day of summer!” It was a joke of course, Eddie knew that. Most of what Richie said were jokes, and bad ones at that. But… There was something there, a bit of strain to his voice. Was not being with the losers for a day really that big of a deal for him? He and Eddie hung out alone all the time, why was now different?
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	to the ones who loved and the ones who lost

It wasn’t every day that your crush of two years kissed you, but god if Eddie didn't wish it actually was a recurring thing. It seemed like a normal day, the losers had wanted to meet up again before they had to start school (9th grade, high school if you could believe it.) Unfortunately, Big Bill was at speech therapy (as usual for Sundays), Ben had wanted to start prep for school, (though Richie had reminded him many times that school hadn’t started so what exactly was he prepping with,’ Bev had gone with Ben for a reason unknown to Eddie. Stan and Mike had snuck off to do something together, and Richie had reasoned that “They’re problly just goin’ somewhere to roll around in the dirt, if ya know what I mean,” he had said with what was meant to be a wink but came out as more of a face convulsion. Eddie had just given him a weird look “Doncha have to stay still to bird watch? Rollin’ around would scare the birds, wouldn't it?”

Either way, their friends were busy, and far be it for Richie to do nothing all day. “I suppose I have to spend time with my favorite Eddie-bear,” Richie had said while hanging upside down from the hammock in the clubhouse. “You’re not leaving me too Eds, are you?” Rich gasped dramatically in his horrible attempt at a southern belle voice, “Oh the _ horror, _ I surely to god cannot _ stand _the thought of being alone on the second to last day of summer!” It was a joke of course, Eddie knew that. Most of what Richie said were jokes, and bad ones at that. But… There was something there, a bit of strain to his voice. Was not being with the losers for a day really that big of a deal for him? He and Eddie hung out alone all the time, why was now different? Besides, they would all see each other on Monday anyway (with the exception of Mike of course.)

But Eddie had played along of course, calling him an asshole and telling him they would meet up tomorrow, read comic books, go to the arcade, and maybe even see a movie. Richie grinned wildly at that, but something was still off. Maybe the other losers didn’t see it, but years of staring at and being around Richie (with special attention paid to his face) had honed his ability to read Richie like a book. Right now he was sad, and really trying hard not to be. It got worse when the sun started setting and people started leaving, pairing off due to the paranoia of being alone left over from Pennywise. Mike and Stan announced they were going to head out, and Richie jumped out of the hammock, almost knocking Eddie out in the process. He hugged Stan tight, “I’m gonna miss you Stan the man.” Stan frowned, “I’m literally just not seeing you for a day. Why are you being so clingy, Rich?”

“I’m not.” 

“You’re still hugging me.”

“Oh.” Richie still made no move to let go.

Richie did let go after a bit, and moved on to hug Mike. Eddie knew Richie and Mike weren’t as close as Rich and Stan, but they were still as close as any loser was to another. Richie let go, then stood there, looking unsure what to do with himself. “Bye, Rich. I’ll see ya Sunday.” They then left without any other impromptu hugs. 

For the next hour after that, Bill kept looking at Richie, supposedly trying to see what was wrong. After a meaningful look at Eddie, and Eddie responding with a look of _ I’ll talk to him, don’t worry _, Bill stood up and grabbed his stuff. Beverly and Ben stood then too, Saying goodbye without a look back. Richie twitched like he wanted to get up and hug them too, but didn’t, probably remembering how Eddie had hit him with his foot for making him nearly fall over earlier.

“We should probably head out.”

“Yeah”

They got out of the hammock, with significantly less near deaths this time on Eddie’s part, packed up their stuff, clasped hands (for safety, Richie had said the first time they had done it, ‘You remember what happened at the Neibolt house’) and started the walk home. The walk was quiet, much like it was the day Eddie’s pet turtle had died, and Richie had known better then than to make a joke about it. But this silence was different, it felt somehow sadder. Richie wasn’t even swinging their joined hands or humming like he usually did on the silent walks. Eddie still decided not to say anything, he would have time for that tomorrow. When they reached Eddie’s house, the two turned to face each other. 

“Bye, Eds.”

“Bye. Hey, Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“You know we love you and we’re here for you, right? I’ll always be here for you to talk to. Anytime.”

At that, Richie smiled sadly, something that Eddie very much did not like, and sighed. “I sure wish i could, Eds. I sure do wish I could.”

And at that, Richie turned and left, not even responding to the “See you tomorrow!” Eddie had called out, stoic to the point that Eddie wasn’t even so sure that Rich had heard him. And if Eddie had stood on his porch, watching a sad Richie walk into the darkness of the night until he was completely out of sight, nobody really had to know.

Eddie was startled back to present day by his mom yelling loudly at him from the kitchen to come get his morning meds. He couldn’t very well be around a dirty boy like Richie all day without protection. He dutifully went to the kitchen, and placed his placebo pills in his mouth, immediately heading back to his room to spit them out anyway. It had really changed his world when Greta Bowie had told him the truth, and he had finally stood up to him mom. Screaming about Gazebos had never been so freeing. The freedom hadn’t lasted too long when he came back from the clown’s den sewer lair thing half dead. And Eddie honestly thought that was fair enough, and you had to please your family somehow. So what if what it took for his mom was him taking more medicine (that they both knew was fake but she refused to admit it) than ever? The important thing was that he knew the truth. He wasn't just a dumb thirteen year old anymore, now he was a slightly less dumb fifteen year old.

He was supposed to meet Richie at the arcade in 10 minutes and he hadn’t even eaten breakfast. He scarfed down his breakfast, got dressed, brushed his teeth, and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.

“Bye, Momma! I’ll be back before dinner!” 

And with that, Eddie was out the door and on his bike. He was genuinely excited to hang out with Richie one-on-one. It felt like it had been forever since it was just the two of them, though realistically Eddie knew it must have been only about two weeks. Still, he couldn’t help being happy to see his best friend and two-year running crush. He really did have it bad for Richie, though, Eddie thought as he peddled into town towards the arcade. Richie filled a room to the brim with personality, made everyone laugh all the time, even though his jokes weren’t even funny (Eddie secretly thought they were, though he would never say that to Richie’s face.) He was proud, and confident, and brash, and thoughtful, and he cared so much and wasn’t even afraid to show it. And he had absolutely enamored Eddie with his fucking adorable face. Fuck. Eddie was so screwed.

“Hey! Eddie!”

Eddie had arrived at the arcade already, he had been completely not paying attention to where he was going, and almost missed his stop. Thank god for muscle memory. Richie ran up to him.

“Hey, Eds. You ready to be demolished at street fighter?”

“Fuck off, you’re so dead.”

It turns out that Eddie sucks at street fighter, and lost every single round. At some point he just gave up and settled into watching Richie play some old game, maybe he was playing Pacman, Eddie really didn’t care. But he wasn’t exactly focused on the game, more Richie’s face as he played. His first thought was _ fuck, he’s beautiful _, but he decided not to dwell on that, he had known it to be true for a while. Instead he looked for the sadness that had been present on Rich’s face the night before. Surprisingly, it was gone for the time being, which meant either that he was hiding a lot it better than he had been last night, or he was way too engrossed in Pacman. 

Way too soon, they had to head back to Eddie’s house. It was getting dark and Eddie didn’t want to risk trouble with his mom. As they were walking back, Richie was cracking jokes and laughing the whole way. That was why it was strange when he got this weird look on his face, and asked quietly if they could stop quickly at the kissing bridge.

“Why?”

“Just want to show you something.” Richie was still uncharacteristically quiet. Almost… shy?

“If this is your mom joke, I swear to god i'm never talking to you again, Rich.”

At that, Richie cracked a smile, “It’s not a your mom joke, I swear.”

The two continued bickering all the way to the bridge, and it felt right. This thing that they had, it was good, and Eddie didn’t plan on losing it anytime soon. It was just so natural and perfect. Never really conflicting, the two orbited around each other in a balance that confused most people who didn’t really know them. Eddie and Richie were fundamentally different, Eddie was all about cleanliness, he was feisty and always ready to fight someone, whereas Richie was messy and told jokes, (shit jokes if you asked eddie) and tried to always have people laughing, be it with him or at him. They were so different, and yet they were a team. They worked well together, and were always there to stick up for each other. 

Sometimes, when he was feeling melancholic, he would think about Richie and the things he said and did, and would wonder if he maybe felt some way about Eddie. If he maybe liked Eddie as a bit more than friends. Then he would remind himself that it was just wishful thinking, his gay little brain was making things from nothing again. 

They got to the bridge, Rich seeming anxious and still sad, but that didn’t matter because he was at the kissing bridge with _ Richie _and god if he didn’t want to just kiss him then and there. Richie sat on a stray log and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, seeming to think better of it. They sat in silence for longer than was normal for them, Eddie thinking half heartedly that he was going to be in so much trouble when he got home, but just genuinely not caring about that for the time being. 

He decided now was the right time to finally say something, but they seemed to act on that at the same time, “If I-” “Eds-”

Eddie spoke again, “You first.”

“Okay, well. This gonna be hard for me to get out but uh, I’m- I’m moving. Tomorrow.”

“Wait-”

“Let me just say this please.”

And yeah, god knows Eddie was mad as hell for the lack of forewarning on Richie’s part, but the look on Richie’s face stopped him from saying anything. He just looked so exhausted and pitiful. Like a kicked puppy. And fuck if Eddie wasn’t weak to Richie Tozier’s puppy eyes. He gave Richie a look to tell him to go on, and Richie continued. 

“Mom told me a couple months back. I- didn’t tell anyone, I had wanted to but just couldn’t make myself.” Richie sighed, “But I couldn't leave without telling you that I love you-”

Eddie balked at that, Richie loved him? That wasn’t possible, but- well he said it. He cut Richie off as he was saying something about it being okay if he didn’t feel the same, by standing up on his toes and smooshing his lips against the other boy’s. But he left them there, and started moving his lips, and oh god he was kissing Richie Tozier, his first kiss was Richie Tozier, and god that thought felt good.

Eddie pulled away after a second, immediately spiraling, had he just meant it in a platonic way? Was this choice a huge friendship ruining mistake? Probably. But when he made himself look up at Richie, he saw the most goddamn dopey smile on his face, and he knew he did the right thing.

“Eds.”

“Yeah.”

“Eddie you-”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t-”

Eddie looked back down at his feet, “Didn’t you?” He heard Richie sigh, “I guess I did. Fuck. I don’t know how I'm going to live through tomorrow. Without you I mean.”

“Yeah. Me either. But I think we can try a long distance thing. I’m getting my licence soon and i’m willing to drive however far to maybe visit you on the weekends. We can call every day, maybe even write letters! This can work! Fuck Rich, can this work?”

“I don’t know, Eds. I sure hope so. What is this though? What are we? Is this even fucking real? I want so much more time, but it looks like it’s not going to happen. What are we doing, Eds?”

“This? We’re dating. You’re my boyfriend now and you can’t stop my love with ignorance anymore.” He pinched Richie, “Seems pretty real to me.” Eddie said, ignoring Richie’s protests that you’re supposed to pinch _ yourself _, “And we’re kissing, at least I wish we still were.”

Richie still looked shocked, “Come to my place. You can call your mom and tell her you’re staying at Bill’s or something. I need you for tonight. Please.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Only for Richie would he do something like this, Eddie thought. Only for Richie. 

The two locked hands, (something they used to do all the time as kids, but it tapered off to only when nobody would see, like on the walk from the clubhouse once Belch Huggins started calling them fags for it) and headed towards Richie’s house, talking again this time. The talk was meaningless, banter about the movie they had just watched then devolving into pretend arguments about hot actors. (A surprisingly not new conversation topic for them, as you might think.) As they got closer to Richie’s house they got more quiet, neither knowing what to say but also not uncomfortable with the silence. 

It was once were sitting in Richie’s bed, after Eddie had called his mom to tell her he was staying at Stan’s house, (She had concerns about his lack of preparation, but she had always liked Stan anyway, something in the way he talked or dressed, Eddie supposed) that Richie asked another question.

“Are you sure?”

“Sure about what, asshole?”

“Me.”

“Oh.” Eddie had a hard time coming up with how to answer that. Yeah. He was really fucking sure, and he was going to try to say as much.

“Yeah, Rich. I’m real sure. I'm sure because every time you smile at me with that big ass fucking grin of yours, I want to melt. I’m sure because I say you’re not funny, but yes you really are, you’re the funniest person I know. You light a room just by standing in it’s center, and you’re so adorable sometimes that I feel like I'm gonna cry. You think I would be willing to put up with this town’s bigotry and hate for just anyone? Absolutely not. You’re special for me, Rich, and you should know it.”

Richie had teared up somewhere during Eddie’s rant, and he pressed his face into Eddie’s side. His speech was muffled, but Eddie’s pretty sure he had heard a quiet _ Damn _ from Richie. 

“Tomorrow is gonna be shit.”

“Yeah. Let's make tonight not shit.” Eddie wanted to reassure Richie, tell him everything was fine and that tomorrow wouldn’t be shit, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Rich’s face.

“How exactly do you wanna accomplish that, Eds?” Richie said with a grin, ”how steamy do you wanna make this? I’m thinking a minimum five on the wetness scale-”

“How about I kiss you and we’ll see how it goes.” 

Richie’s eyes got wide. “_ Shit,” _ he said as Eddie tackled him, pulling him into a searing kiss.

Later, Eddie would think about the implications of the look Richie gave him. He would think about how it meant that Richie was still unsure about himself and even after Eddie had straight up told him they were dating, Richie was still not sure of himself enough to take what he dished out. For now though, Eddie was too caught up in the feeling of Richie’s lips against his, amature kissing really, but it still felt right. Like his body was catching up with his brain in realizing how good he felt in Richie Tozier’s lap, pushing him into the bed and making out with him a bit too desperately.

When they finally separated, limbs still tangled together and Eddie feeling happier than ever, Eddie layed down, happy to just be near Richie. “I’m gonna miss you so goddamn much,” Richie said, voice cracking.

“Shh, that's a problem for tomorrow us. For now, sleep.”

Richie laughed brokenly, “I dunno if that’s gonna happen any time soon for me…”

As it turned out, it did happen soon. The two turned around for a bit, finally finding a comfortable position spooning, with Eddie as the little spoon. And as Eddie drifted off to the sound of Richie’s light snores, he really didn’t think about what would happen in the daytime. He was too happy in the now.

Turns out that was a big fucking mistake. Richie was gone and he was miserable. He had left the next morning around nine o’clock, packing the rest of his family’s things into the moving truck. They had promised to call every single day once Richie’s family got their landline installed and working, they also said they would write letters every week, and after sneaking into the bushes for one last tearful goodbye kiss, Richie was gone.

It felt like the end of something, but it shouldn’t have been. It should’ve been the start of something. They should have had more time! But they didn’t, so here Eddie was one week since Richie left, being miserable. Richie had called that day, but something was very wrong, and not in an _ I'm sad because I miss my boyfriend _ way, more of _ I literally don’t remember kissing you or honestly jou at all _ kind of way. And that sucked because Eddie had maybe hoped that he would actually remember him. And it sucked more because after that call, Richie only called one more time, and it was just to ask whoever was calling him to please _ stop _, because his mother was getting a bit annoyed. So Eddie stopped. He sent letters to the address Rich had given him, but never got a response, so he stopped trying.

School picked up, so Eddie had less time to think about Richie, hut he never stopped. Eddie told the losers that Richie had moved away. They took the news about as well as Eddie had. It felt like there was a hole in the group, something missing. They didn’t talk about it, but they all felt it.

One day, when he was feeling particularly sad about Richie, Eddie went to the kissing bridge. There wasn’t a particular reason he went there, if only to think and maybe cry a bit. It had been a month since Richie had left, and they hadn’t talked since. If he ever saw Richie again he was going to beat his ass purple. Eddie’s brain caught on the word _ if. _Fuck, he was never going to see Richie and his dumb ass smile again, was he? And if he did, would Richie even remember him? Would he even remember Richie?

After what felt like a decade of walking, Eddie finally got to the kissing bridge. He traced his fingers over the dozens of carvings made by lovesick kids over the years. A big carving stood out to him, R+E. He wondered absentmindedly who carved that, wishing it was Richie who did it, but knowing it was too old to be him. It was probably by Randal Green for his crush Eleanor.

Eddie found a relatively empty spot on the bridge, and took out his Swiss army knife. Something about it felt good, like he was doing the right thing. As he carved, Eddie thought about Richie; his laugh, his smile, his jokes, the look in his eye when he was about to do something stupid, but he mostly thought about how much he missed him, and what he would do for them to be together again, if only a for a few days. 

Eddie put his knife away, happy with his handiwork. He looked at his carving, it didn’t stand out from the others, but that was okay because it was _ his_. _ His _ mark that he had made for Richie. He headed home, still thinking about the carving: a small heart, with the letter R inside of it.

**Author's Note:**

> hng Thanks for reading! Imma go cry now.


End file.
